OTAK Djo Koplak memang selalu ngeres. Sebagai pegawai rendahan dengan hasil pas-pasan,  dia bukannya memikirkan bagaimana mencukupi kebutuhan rumah tangganya, malah lebih mementingkan kesukaannya mengoleksi barang-barang yang berbau porno mulai dari kalender, poster, hingga VCD porno. Setiap kali ada penjual koran atau pengecer VCD datang ke kantornya, yang ditanyakan selalu benda-benda kesukaannya itu.

Karena kesukaannya itu, sampai-sampai Jeng Minul sering mengeluh. Soalnya, setiap kali anaknya minta duit untuk keperluan sekolah atau yang lain Djo selalu mengelak dengan alasan tidak punya duit. Padahal kebutuhan anaknya itu tidak kalah penting – bahkan lebih penting – daripada sekadar gambar-gambar wanita telantang yang cuma bisa dipandang itu.

“Apa sih nikmatnya memelototi gambar kayak gitu?” gerutu Jeng Minul dengan muka masam suatu hari ketika menyaksikan suaminya sedang asyik memandangi koleksinya. Djo hanya tersenyum mendengar gerutuan istrinya itu.

Suatu hari, ada seorang penjaja koran datang di kantor Djo. Seperti biasanya, Djo lalu ikut-ikutan membolak-balik barang dagangan sang penjaja koran. Ujung-ujungnya, Djo lantas menanyakan apa punya gambar telanjang.

“Ada, Pak. Kartu remi bergambar telanjang,” sahut sang penjaja koran.

“Bule?” tanya Djo. “Kalau yang itu aku sudah punya.”

“O, tidak, Pak. Yang ini dari padang pasir.”

Bayangan Djo, tentu yang telanjang adalah wanita-wanita Arab yang segera mengisi otak ngeres Djo.

Setelah tercapai kata sepakat soal harga, Djo pun segera merogoh koceknya. Lima puluh ribu perak untuk sekotak kartu remi bergambar telanjang yang segera dikantonginya. Djo tersenyum karena koleksinya kini tambah lagi. Sesampai di ruang kerjanya, Djo segera membuka kotak remi itu. Namun, betapa terkejutnya Djo, karena ternyata yang ada di sana hanyalah gambar-gambar binatang macam jerapah, unta, cheetah dan binatang-binatang gurun lainnya.

Djo segera balik ke tempat penjual koran. Namun yang dicari sudah tidak ada. Djo pun hanya bisa memaki. “Gambar beginian dikatakan gambar telanjang.”

Pongkring , kawan seruangannya, yang tahu kesukaan Djo tersenyum menyaksikan Djo yang uring-uringan. “Lha iya to Mas Djo. Gambar ini telanjang semua gitu, lho. Tidak ada yang berpakaian sama sekali,” kata Pongkring sambil memungut salah satu kartu bergambar binatang itu.

Djo kian tersenyum kecut. Duit lima puluh ribu perak melayang hanya untuk gambar-gambar binatang telanjang!

Widiyartono R.

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